Irish Papist

Irish Papist
Me and General Robert Lee

Monday, August 12, 2013

Thoughts on the Edge of Sleep

I want to sleep forever, sleep forever…
I do not want to die. I want to fall
Down, down through a bottomless pool. I want to never
Emerge again, or see the sun’s harsh light;
The angry faces and long delays and all
The burden of day will be drowned in a permanent night.

I am tired, tired, hopelessly tired of the long frustrations…
I am tired of the stranger’s face and inquisitive eyes.
I am tired of the fumes of cars, of barking Alsatians,
Of the zombie faces in ads, of exhausted supplies
Of paper and money and patience. I’m tired of the gulf
The unbridgeable gulf, between everyone else and myself.

I am tired of stupid jokes, of gossipy headlines,
I am tired of the heavy silence that summons trite words.
I am tired of the rush to meet purely arbitrary deadlines.
I am tired of the bus that pulls up forty yards
Away from the bus-stop. I’m tired of crude neon signs.

I want to sleep forever, to never be woken…
I do not want oblivion, or mere dreams…
I want to sink into a peace that will never be broken
To let my soul float, float away down measureless streams
To an underground sea, lit by the sun’s far-distant gleams.

I have seen enough, I have heard enough, I have been
In the open air enough. My soul overflows.
That hot summer’s day with my class-mates in Stephen’s Green…
The boiler room…that childhood party…all those…
I am full, I am full. It would take me a thousand years
To make sense of all that has passed through these eyes and ears.

I want to sleep forever. I want to break free
Of this cumbersome body, and let my mind wander at will.
I will wander through streets and through corridors—no-one will see--
And no-one will mock me—and no-one will argue—-oh, thrill
Of all thrills, to escape being seen...oh, how effortlessly...
How soundlessly, how boldly, how effortlessly...
Free, free, to be free....

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