Classic British Comedies I Never Found Funny

1) Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. (OK, it was sometimes funny. But mostly it was just annoying.)

2) Morecambe and Wise. Give me the Two Ronnies any day. Morecambe and Wise never seemed like British humour to me. They were too zany, they weren't grounded in the real world like great British humour. Granted, I haven't watched much of them.

3) Last of the Summer Wine. Oh, my God. It was SO bad it's almost beyond words. My father used to watch it and defend it as "gentle" comedy. Yes, it was gentle. It was also terrible.

4) Are You Being Served? To be fair, I've never watched an entire episode, but it seemed pretty vacuous to me from the few scenes I did watch.

5) The Vicar of Dibley. Often disgusting, condescending, predictable.

6) Dad's Army. OK, this wasn't terrible-- it had its moments-- but I've never understood why it's so beloved.

That's about enough, unless I think of more.

Fake Liberal Bafflement

Something I've noticed about liberals (and when I say "liberals", I'm never talking about disciples of John Stuart Mill-- you know who I'm talking about) is their tendency to engage in fake bafflement. They regularly pretend not to know what their opponents are talking about, and this is done with a certain amount of theatre.

For instance, they'll ask question such as: "What even is cancel culture"? They express bemusement, and say things like: "How can such-and-such be complaining about cancel culture when he has his own radio show/newspaper column/podcast?". (They presumably wouldn't be impressed by an argument like: "How can this feminist complain about the glass ceiling when she's at the top of her profession?")

They'll talk about "woke" as if it's some elusive concept, one they have to struggle to even comprehend. I mean, what even is woke? Isn't it just good manners? Isn't it just using people's preferred language to talk about themselves? As though it didn't go far, far beyond that...

They will express similar bafflement about concepts such as masculinity, femininity, Englishness, Irishness, the war on Christmas, hateful rhetoric towards men, and so on.

In a similar way, they'll deliberately misundertand any conservative claim of social decline to be an assertion that such-and-such a time was a "golden age". Any evidence to the contrary immediately proves nothing has really changed and it's all in the conservative's imagination.

But I feel a bit stupid now, because after engaging in some research, I realise that lots of people have noticed this. Lots and lots of people. Lots and lots and lots of people. In fact, it's become a meme on the right. I didn't realize this, although I had heard one or two other people make the point in passing.

I may as well post this anyway.

I Love This Picture So Much

 

Coincidence: A Poem I Wrote Twenty Years Ago

Recently, I was going through typescripts and manuscripts of my old poems. In a way, it was like reliving a trauma. I put so much work into these poems. I sent them to various magazines and newspapers and publishers and they always got sent back to me, with a handful of exceptions. (I still have dreams of hearing letters fall through the door of my old flat, and desperately hoping there might be some good news.) It was brutal! This was the main focus of my life for about ten years and nothing came of it-- absolutely nothing.

I've published many of them on my blog over the years. But when I go through my archives I'm surprised how many I've never used. Some of them were not bad.

This is one, I think. It was written before I became a Christian, from a perspective of profound (and reluctant) scepticism. My innate scepticism is what held me back from becoming a Christian for many, many years. I had such a very hard time believing in anything supernatural or paranormal. I was too wretchedly aware of the human capacity for wishful thinking. On the other hand, I loved hearing stories about the uncanny, supernatural, magical, and so forth-- and "hoping it might be so".

The image in the final lines-- of the baby staring into a fire, and imagining pictures in the flames-- seemed to me then like a perfect metaphor for human consciousness, a quirk of nature in a meaningless universe. I still like the image. I like any reference to looking into flames, or steam, or smoke, or water. But especially flames.

Coincidence

The night the club burned down, she wasn’t there;
She’d called in sick for once. A Scottish man
Phoned up his sister’s number, unaware
He had a sister. Some great master plan
In invisible ink lies in a tight-shut drawer
With all our fates marked out in criss-crossed lines

So maybe Scott will make it through the war
Picking his way out through a field of mines.

The voice gets stronger when the cynic smiles:
How likely is it every light was green
As we drove out to the hospital, miles and miles?
And the cynic’s eyes, too softly to be seen,
Light with a gentle longing: Maybe, maybe,
The world is not indifferent to our aims…

Before the flicker of the fire, the baby
Stares wide-eyed at the pictures in the flames.

Poems I like: The Rolling English Road by G.K. Chesterton

I feel a bit uneasy including "The Rolling English Road" in my series of poems I like (not quite favourite poems), because I have to be honest and admit I'm not entirely sure I understand it. Some of the references are over my head. Whether that is a flaw in me or in the poem, who knows?

G.K. Chesterton is the author who has had the biggest influence on my life. When it comes to his poetry, though, I have mixed feelings. Some of it ("To the Babe Unborn", "Lepanto", "The Donkey", "The House of Christmas", and the dedicatory poem at the start of The Man Who Was Thursday) is, in my opinion, absolutely first-rate: deserving of a place in any English poetry anthology. I think he could have been one of the great English poets if he had dedicated himself to poetry.

I wouldn't put "The Rolling English Road" in this class, but it's hard to say why. I've been looking for its weaknesses and all I can really find is the third verse, which seems excessively oblique to me. Or is it? I always thought it referred to some particular person (real or imaginary), but now I assume it refers to the "rolling English drunkard" of the second line. Is he a sort of archetypal figure, like the English solder in the modern Christmas song "Stop the Cavalry" who has been fighting in centuries of wars?

And what exactly does Chesterton mean when he says: "My friends, we will not go again or ape an ancient rage, or stretch the folly of our youth to be the shame of age?" Is it a rejection of artificial revivalism? I don't know. I've never known. Maybe I'm too stupid.

But that's enough about the poem's weaknesses, which might be just my lack of appreciation.

When it comes to the poem's strengths, I think the rollicking metre might be the best thing about it. It's so hearty, masculine, folkish, full of gusto, and everything that we love about Chesterton-- everything that is a corrective to cynicism, decadence, nihilism, swank, and all that kind of thing. It's a very avuncular, hand-rubbing, red-cheeked kind of poem-- and I like that.

I like its use of repetitions and patterns. It's a bit like a nursery rhyme. I like how it uses place-names and gives their very ordinariness a magical sound. I love its use of very English terms like parson, sexton, and squire.

And some of the lines are just a joy to read and repeat. "The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road"-- that seems like a line from a skipping chant or a children's game, it has a sort of timeless energy.

My favourite four lines in the poem come from the second verse, and they very frequently come into my mind. They are:

I knew no harm of Bonaparte and plenty of the Squire,

And for to fight the Frenchman I did not much desire;

But I did bash their baggonets because they came arrayed

To straighten out the crooked road an English drunkard made,

That's not only marvellously John Bull-ish, but I think encapsulates the poem's theme: the beauty of irregularity and the organic, as opposed to deadening regularity and rationalism. Also, they express my own Francophobia, even though Chesterton himself was a Francophile. ("All bad ideas come from France", as David Starkey says.) All prejudices aside, however, I'm opposed to all attempts to flatten the delicious irregularity of human societies.

I also love the couple of lines at the end of each verse. Can it be called a refrain? It's not exactly a refrain, since it's not the same lines each time, or even close to it. But it's something like a refrain. In them, the poet addresses us directly, in the manner of an old friend who has shared many adventures. It's rather odd-- what does it mean, exactly?-- but it works. It creates a warm, retrospective, comradely glow. I've yearned for that kind of thing in my own life, but I worry I'm too old to enjoy it now.

The more I've written this blog post, the more I'm coming to think that this is, actually, a great poem after all, and that I simply don't fully understand it. It's a strange thing-- I've always assumed this poem is much better-known than it is. It seems like the sort of poem that should be a popular favourite, to have seeped into the cultural conscience. But it's not, and it hasn't.

The Rolling English Road

Before the Roman came to Rye or out to Severn strode,
The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road.
A reeling road, a rolling road, that rambles round the shire,
And after him the parson ran, the sexton and the squire;
A merry road, a mazy road, and such as we did tread
The night we went to Birmingham by way of Beachy Head.

I knew no harm of Bonaparte and plenty of the Squire,
And for to fight the Frenchman I did not much desire;
But I did bash their baggonets because they came arrayed
To straighten out the crooked road an English drunkard made,
Where you and I went down the lane with ale-mugs in our hands,
The night we went to Glastonbury by way of Goodwin Sands.

His sins they were forgiven him; or why do flowers run
Behind him; and the hedges all strengthening in the sun?
The wild thing went from left to right and knew not which was which,
But the wild rose was above him when they found him in the ditch.
God pardon us, nor harden us; we did not see so clear
The night we went to Bannockburn by way of Brighton Pier.

My friends, we will not go again or ape an ancient rage,
Or stretch the folly of our youth to be the shame of age,
But walk with clearer eyes and ears this path that wandereth,
And see undrugged in evening light the decent inn of death;
For there is good news yet to hear and fine things to be seen,
Before we go to Paradise by way of Kensal Green.

Traditions Again

"It is said that if you scratch civilisation you find a savage. If you scratch the owner-occupier of a desirable semi-detached residence you will find a man who is unconsciously seeking something safe and familiar, something with roots deep in the forgotten past. He may call Morris dancers “quaint”, laugh at the idea of wassailing his apple trees and refuse to appear as St. George in a mummer's play, but he will still eat hot cross buns on Good Friday, hang up mistletoe at Christmas, and give a Halloween party. He will hesitate to walk under a ladder, and will look at at the weather forecast with more than ordinary interest on St. Swithin's Day.... If folk customs ever did die out there would be a loss of vigour, colour and diversity thaat an age of drab uniformity can ill afford "

From the introduction to A Year of Festivals by Geoffrey Palmer and Noel Lloyd, 1973.

I read recently that Christmas mumming died out because householders simply refused to open the door to them. Christmas had become domesticated and mummers were seen as old-fashioned and embarrassing. I don't know if this is true. It would be sad if it were.

The Anniversary of my Baptism

"Dear parents, in asking for Baptism for your children you express and witness to your faith, to the joy of being Christian and of belonging to the Church. It is the joy that comes from knowing you have received a great gift from God, faith itself, a gift which not one of us has been able to deserve but which was freely given to us and to which we responded with our “yes”. It is the joy of recognizing that we are children of God, of discovering that we have been entrusted to his hands, of feeling welcomed in a loving embrace in the same way that a mother holds and embraces her child. This joy, which guides every Christian’s journey, is based on a personal relationship with Jesus, a relationship that directs the whole of human existence."

Pope Benedict XVI, 2013

(That is my uncle holding me, not my father. I don't know who the long-haired figure is, or the priest. Nor do I know why it took three years for my solildly Catholic parents to get me baptised!)