Christmas Gifts from the Irish Papist

As my effort to make some money from advertising has been a complete failure, I am now turning to other money-making schemes. I would like to announce my range of Christmas gifts:

1) A vinyl record of me reading out my complete 'Why I am a Traditionalist" series. Very enthusiastically reviewed by the International Sleep Disorder Association.

2) An action figure of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. Comes with miniature chasuble with real incense, and swinging action. Also comes with full range of Papal robes and headdresses, for those finding it difficult to adjust to Pope Francis's more informal style.

3) A genuine Purple Notebook, with instructions on how to use. This gift will only be delivered to customers who send me a written promise to abide by the rules of purple notebooking, and who promise not to simply fill it up with 'happy thoughts', inspiring quotations, pleasant memories, etc.

4) Dinner Party Delight De Luxe. A game board and set of cards which will help you have the perfect dinner party or other social get-together. Topics for discussion include The Nature of National Culture, The Creative Element in Memory, The Dream as Metaphor for Reality, Story-Telling and Identity, etc. If  your guests don't come back after playing this game, they weren't worth inviting in the first place.
5) G.K. Chesterton Fitness Work-Out Video.
6) Irish Papist baseball cap. Guaranteed to make men look folksy and salt-of-the-earth, and women sassy and girl-next-door.

And more! Send for a leaflet for further details. How can you say no?