Frustration

I have been feeling a lot of frustration recently. For various reasons, I have not been outside of Ireland since December 2019. I have barely been outside Dublin in that time. It's a long time since I've been on a train, a mode of travel that I love. (I don't include the Dublin area light rail.) This is the time of year when people start asking about holidays and I can only say, again: "I have no holidays planned".

I have had some blessing in recent years, and I'm grateful for them. But in other ways I'm in quite a rut. I applied for two jobs this year-- a promotion and a sideways move-- and I didn't get either. I got lots of good feedback and encouragement on the first, mind you.

As I've mentioned before, I gave up Facebook and Twitter at the beginning of the year, for various reasons. One was my ever-increasing frustration at hardly anybody reacting to my poetry, whenever I posted it. Not even to criticize it! Also, a lack of reaction to my posts about poetry.

There were other reasons. I had friends spanning the spectrum from fairly liberal Catholics to heavy-duty Traditionalists. I didn't want to get into arguments with them, and the political and (to a lesser degree) theological climate made arguments seem inevitable. I have a quirk of personality that makes me very reluctant to fall out with anybody, or even antagonise them-- once a friendship has been established. On the other hand, I can't really keep quiet on big issues.

But being off Facebook means that I'm not in contact with my "tribe", to any significant extent.

I've tried to get some diversion at free and low-cost events. For instance, I went to the launch of  a UCD literary journal which had published one of my poems (hurray!). This week I attended a seminar on Korean reunification in UCD. Being me, I couldn't restrain myself from being the first person to ask a question, one which related the discussion to Ireland in a very politically incorrect way! It went down like the proverbial lead balloon. I even went to a Mind, Body, Spirit fair in the RDS-- which was almost entirely New Age nonsense, of course, but I enjoyed the atmosphere, especially the smells. I just looked and wandered around. I didn't inhale.

I have many other frustrations I won't go into-- some big, some small, some completely trivial. Of course, it's the completely trivial that bother me the most. (That's a joke, but not entirely.)

I've been reading a lot of biographies and, in biographies, doors just seem to open for people. For instance, in the most recent biography I'm reading, a priest insists on the subject of the biography going on retreat-- and arranges it. As I've mentioned, I tried to get the chaplaincy in UCD to hold a spiritual retreat for staff, and after an initial display of enthusiasm (and when I expanded the idea on request), the suggestion was dropped. Little things like that.

Yes, I would like some cheese with this whine, thank you. Cornish Yarg, for preference.

I will probably take this post down after I've had my belly-ache for a bit. But prayers are welcome-- specific prayers for doors to open, even cat-flaps. Honestly, if someone so much as gave me a box of chocolates right now, I think I would cry. Not literally cry, because I'm a MAN, but you know what I mean.