Some Jokes

I am notorious in my place of work (and further afield) for making up (and telling!) terrible jokes. When people hear my home-made jokes, they groan and say: "That's terrible". Sometimes they laugh and say, "That's terrible". Sometimes they tell me how terrible they are and then, the next day, come up to me and say: "I was telling your joke to my wife/friend/brother..."

I can't remember a fraction of the jokes I've made up, but here are the ones I can remember at the moment. Be warned-- they are very, very bad-- if you proceed beyond this line you do so at your own risk.

Q. What did John McEnroe say when he took up amateur astronomy and saw something through the telescope that he didn't expect?
A: You cannot be Sirius!

Q. What did Hannibal of the A-Team say when he took up baking?
A: I love it when a flan comes together.

Q: Why is Saudi Arabia a strange country?
A: Because you can't get drunk but you can get stoned.

Q: What do you put on an imaginary rash?
A: Pseudo-cream. (I don't think they have Sudocream in America.)

Q. Why is Eminem like a used nappy/diaper?
A: Because they're both white (w)rappers full of....

Q: Did you hear that Keith Richards and Mick Jagger both had heart attacks and died after chasing the same pretty girl?
A: Yes, It was a case of two Stones killed with one bird.

Q: Did you hear about the troubled Unitarian?
A: He was tortured by a religious certainty.

Q; What's the difference between an American election and an American horror film?
A: Gore always wins out in American horror films.

Q; Did you hear they are simplifying the French flag?
A: Yes, they're removing the red and blue parts...