Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Pope Benedict Joke

To celebrate our beloved Papa B's ninetieth birthday, here is a joke I really like about him, literally copied and pasted from another website. I think it's ultimate provenance, at least in this form, is a Catholic joke book. Well, I think it's funny, anyway...but whenever I tried to tell it (which I did on several occasions), I messed it up, so I may as well use someone else's rendition.

Cardinal Kasper, Hans Kung and Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger all die on the same day, and go to meet St. Peter to know their fate.

St. Peter approaches the three of them, and tells them that he will interview each of them to discuss their views on various issues.

He then points at Cardinal Kasper and says "Walter! In my office..." After 4 hours, the door opens, and Kasper comes stumbling out of St. Peter's office. He is highly distraught, and is mumbling things like "Oh God, that was the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so wrong! So sorry...never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a testament to the mercy of Our God.

St. Peter follows him out, and sticks his finger in Kung's direction and "Hans! You're next..." After 8 hours, the door opens, and Kung comes out, barely able to stand. He is near collapse with weakness and a crushed spirit. He , too, is mumbling things like "Oh God, that was the hardest thing I've ever done! How could I have been so wrong! So sorry...never knew..." He stumbles off into Heaven, a testament to the mercy of Our God.

Lastly, St. Peter, emerging from his office, says to Cardinal Ratzinger, "Joseph, your turn." TWELVE HOURS LATER, St. Peter stumbles out the door, apparently exhausted, saying "Oh God, that's the hardest thing I've ever done..."


  1. Ratzinger/Benedict had lot to say but he was always interesting.
    Maolsheachlann,I don't want to torment you over this, but I've always had a thing for hagiography myself,I just looked through Ignatius Press' ' New Saints and Blesseds of the Catholic Church 84-87' by Ferdinand Holböck; he begins the piece on Francisco Garate Aranguren with the words "a blessed about whom there is really nothing to report, except that as a lay brother in the Society of Jesus he fulfilled his assignments-first,ten years serving as an infirmarian; then forty-two years as doorkeeper-in a truly exemplary fashion"
    Personally I couldn't really consider a Jesuit, even a lay brother as ' loser material' (some will snigger at me pointing to 70s liberation theology and Society seminarians smoking pot, but you understand what I mean), but on the other hand he was a university porter like Brother André and would have seen generations of fellow Basques come up in the world while he himself remained the porter, so you may just be interested there. I received a book store cataloge from Melbourne yesterday and your American-cum-Irish friend's book was available, so they must deal with Angelico Press there also.

    1. I appreciate the suggestion but it doesn't really fit-- he was a nurse, which must have been quite demanding. Actually, the more I've read about saints, the more I've realised that porter or doorkeeper was actually a very important role-- it was akin to a receptionist now.

      Thanks, though. That's good to hear about Angelico!

  2. It seems that there was porter and there was porter! Porter was a minor order for seminarians up to the 60s reform. Some still get permission to get these minor orders, but Pope Benedict actually seems to have been reluctant to have had a return to it on a big scale even if seminarians are intending to say mostly the traditional Mass. And one can't see Francis encouraging it, although he'll need to if Rome's outreach to Society of PiusX is successful at all. I was at someone's tonsure, porter and lector (lector of course was not changed in the current system, but it has little meaning now as just about anybody can read at Church and seminarians who receive lector in the ordinary rite are given no actual preference to read, whereas in the traditional rite they are actually doing something the priest should do)
    But a porter or portress in a religious community would really only have been performing a practical task. Certainly Blessed Francisco, St André Bessette were a bit "higher up" as their Houses were connected to large educational bodies also.
    My friend never actually became a priest and never, despite his promise at becoming porter, opened or closed the church door very much- the one time I recall I actually held open the half-closed door and called him over so that he could do his thing...

    1. Ha! Venerable Solanus Casey was another person who had this role. I'd like to have included him but I strictly wanted to include only blesseds and saints-- folk we know are in Heaven.